Supporting But Not Enabling

When someone you know and love is going through rehab or addiction treatment, it's very important to offer support and encouragement to the person to help them through this difficult time in their life. But there is a difference between supporting that individual, and enabling them. To get a better understanding of the difference between supporting and enabling, let's look at the definition of the words as they apply here:

• Support - to carry or bear the weight of (a thing or person); keep from falling, slipping, or sinking; to give courage, faith, encouragement, or confidence to; help or comfort; to give practical or emotional help to; to keep something or somebody stable
• Enable - to make able; give power, means, opportunity, or ability to; to make possible, easy, or effective; to make possible or support the dysfunctional behavior of (someone), as by denying it exists or compensating for it in some way

The Right Step understands and appreciates the support that family members and friends give to those going through addiction treatment. Having this support is a key factor in helping individuals get better and permanently achieve sobriety. With that being said, let's realize the key differences between positive support and more negative enabling.

How Supporting and Enabling are Different

Supporting an alcoholic or drug addict first means caring about them and putting them into recovery in the first place. Once they are in a rehab or treatment center, support means offering a listening ear and reassuring them that you are there for them. But at its most basic level, supporting means allowing them to take responsibility for their own lives, while enabling means you are helping too much and doing it all for them. By not making them take any responsibility, you are worsening the problem and not offering long-term support. If your daughter has a problem with alcohol, by all means, support her by sending her to rehab and helping her find a sober living environment when she completes the program. Support her by encouraging her to find a job, pay her bills, and become an adult with real responsibilities. But if you end up being the one finding her a job, paying her rent and other bills, and generally doing everything for her, you're enabling her to continue on a path of reliance on other people.

The True Meaning of Support

People who go through substance abuse addiction recovery, like everyone, need to learn to be self-sufficient and take on responsibilities. Emotional support is one thing, but enabling, like by helping them with money, waking them up because they drank too much the night before, or even bailing them out of jail, will not help the person. Often times, the enabling that addicted individuals receive allows them to not seek treatment for their addiction in the first place, because they are getting just enough assistance to get by. Families and friends may think they are supporting by helping them with money and other actions, when really, sometimes a person needs to hit rock bottom before seeking help and truly committing to live a life of sobriety. It may be difficult to say no to the person's requests, but in the long run, they will be much better off if you stop supporting their behavior. The good kind of support is offering encouragement and love; enabling is not letting them grow up and become responsible for their actions. With the right support and the help of a treatment center, the path to recovery becomes an easier road to navigate and one that you, the family of the addict, can help keep them on.